“Eve, when I told my 92-year-old grandmother that my favorite quarterback was Donovan McNabb she replied by saying, “awe, well I’m happy to see a nice Irish boy is finding success in the NFL.”
Needless to say, she’s not a sports fan. But it got me thinking about the Irish, because it is that time of year when redheaded, pale-faced people raise a glass in honor of the Patron Saint of Ireland. And why shouldn’t the Irish have their day in the sun? Well, maybe not in the sun. They burn easily. Their time to shine, let’s say.
But unless you’re a cricketer, a boxer or a jockey there isn’t much chance for you to shine in sports Ye of Irish heritage. And no, Larry Bird isn’t Irish. And Brady Quinn and J.T. O’Sullivan both suck!
Music then Eve? Well, maybe. If you like U2 and the Dropkick Murphys.
Hollywood surely delivers a Mick or two. You ladies fawn over McDreamy right? But before Patrick Dempsey was cool on Grey’s Anatomy he was a huge tool in “Can’t Buy Me Love” and “Loverboy.” Colin Ferrell scores big with the ladies too but he kissed a dude in ‘Alexander’ didn’t he? And Liam Neeson? Not so good either.
But I’ll leave that to you Eve, I’m here to talk about finding some Irish babes. In particular one who could be the poster girl for “What’s Hot” about Ireland.
The first one who comes to mind is Jenny McCarthy. Hot and funny is a great combination, but her star may have burnt out. She may be a grandma by. Then there’s Lindsay Lohan? Pale, freckly and she loves to hit the sauce. That certainly fits the stereotype does it not? But no. She’s a hot mess.
Allow me to nominate every college kid’s favorite actress then, Jenna Jameson. The “supposedly” reformed porn star won more than 20 adult film star awards prior to retiring in 2008. She’s been animated on the Family Guy, been an advocate for PETA and also lent her support to Senator Hillary Clinton. Surely Bill gets her vote.
There’s even a drink named after her, appropriately enough it’s a combination of Jameson’s Irish Whiskey, Irish Cream and Cherry Liqueur. But maybe she’s not such a good representative of the good people of Irish Catholic descent.
Ok, ok, I think I’ve got one. Ever heard of Irish born singer/actress Samantha Mumba? Her single “Gotta Tell You” reached No. 1 on the Irish charts and No. 2 in on the British charts. She’s also modeled for Dior and Reebok.
The only problem with this pick is that she doesn’t look like your typical Irish girl. In fact Mumba is a perfect candidate for Dave Chappelle’s infamous “Racial Draft”, the skit he made famous on his HBO show. Although she was born in Dublin, her father is from the Republic of Zambia. Her mother is Irish.
So, speaking on behalf of the the O’Reillys, the Doyles, Kellys, Murphys, McLaughlins and Quinns, with the first pick in the 2010 Racial Draft, The Irish select Samantha Mumba. In return, we give Italy full rights to Steve Buscemi, whose mother Dorothy is Irish but dad John is in fact a Goombah.
Eve, you love you some Steve Buscemi don’t you?
Pullleeeze. Although I am 98% Sicilian (which is pretty darn close to Italian, right?), give me a little more credit than Steve Buscemi. A great actor yes, but far from what I would waste a draft pick on as far as hotties are concerned.
But before I get to my nominations there are a few things I should point out, dear Adam. Although Football may not be the ‘Luck of the Irish’ sport, they do stand out in other notable arenas. Take for instance John McEnroe, whose father happens to be of Irish descent. He may have been an obnoxious bully on the tennis court but he won seven Grand Slam Single titles… four at the US Open and three at Wimbleton. Not to mention he kept it real for his peeps by marrying in the blood lines with Tatum O’Neal.
Let me also introduce to you Sonia O’Sullivan, one of the world’s leading runners in the 90’s and early part of 2000’s. She was born in County Cook, Ireland and is one of the Emerald Isle’s most famous Olympians having both Gold and Silver Medals under her belt.
As for music, yes, U2 is indeed one of my favorite bands. They’ve got the talent, they’ve got the edge (pun intended) and they’ve got the politics. Bono and his boys may be the most popular of Irish bands, but not the only famous musicians to come out the fair country. Look at Van Morrison, The Cranberries and Sinead O’Connor. Ok fine, maybe not Sinead but how about John Fogerty? He may not have been born in Ireland but he’s Irish American, and in my book that counts!
And Adam, contrary to popular belief, not all Irishmen resemble our good friend Lucky the Leprechan. In fact some are magically delicious. My personal favorite is Jonathan Rhys Meyer who has been the face of Versace and Hugo Boss. And whether he is playing the King of England, the King of Pop, or the bad guy in Match Point, this dude is F.I.N.E. fine. Those lips, those eyes, that chest! Whew…. Do you have any cold water handy?
Coming in a close second is your boy Colin Farrell. Who cares if he kissed a dude? Just the mere sight of him makes my knees weak. And because he’s so lustworthy, he deserves a double mention.
And finally at third and fourth are my two favorite funny men, Will Farrell and Conan O’Brian. Girl’s love guys who can make them laugh.
However, if I MUST choose “What’s Hot” about Ireland, it would have to be my favorite 007, Pierce Brosnan. Before he was the spy I wanted to shag me, he starred in The Thomas Crown Affair and Remington Steele. Other films worth mentioning are Mrs. Doubtfire, The Matador, and Mama Mia. Although singing is not his gig, he still looks good. In fact, in 2001 he was voted People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. And yes, he was born in Ireland to not one, but two Irish parents.
There you have it. As the spokesperson for the Oirish women, we nominate Pierce Brosnan because he's mature, debonair, charming, and yummy.
But I have still have one question Adam, are you sure Larry Bird isn't Irish??